While cleaning out my inbox, I stumbled upon an email I sent to my husband back in February.
I came across this note I wrote to myself a few months ago. I thought you might appreciate it…
Be thankful, Nicole, because what God has given you is not tragic, but beautiful and heart-warming.
One Saturday morning in October I awoke early, in more pain than usual. I took my morning medications, and a few hours later still no relief. On that particular morning, I was text messaging back and forth with my friend KMK, whose wedding I had participated in as a bridesmaid not even a month earlier. I was replying to her reaction regarding my resignation from work, effective October, in order to focus on my health full-time. As I was typing out my quite lengthy response, it occurred to me that I should copy and save it in a separate spot, so that on days when I am feeling especially low, depressed, sad, deflated, negative, or just “blegh,” I could easily access and again read my response to KMK.
My idea was that I would do this in order to regain perspective, to make an “attitude adjustment” (as my mother would say growing up), and to remind myself that I am such a fortunate woman who is tremendously loved, never alone, and that I still possess the will, the desire, and the strength to fight for my health.
Finally, my unadulterated response to K on that Saturday morning:
“It saddens me to be in this situation, health-wise, to be 26 and unemployed because I am too ill and not be fully healed after over a year. But I am trying my best to be and remain positive. I am fortunate to have such an amazing and supportive husband who continues to do all he possibly can to help me get better; a supportive family, and with that, immensely supportive and loving in-laws who care for me as true parents and drive me to/from and accompany me to every single doctor appointment, lab test, pharmacy in the Chicagoland area; and friends who build me up when I am down (which seems to be more often than not as of late), who reach out and who do a marvelous job in helping lighten this load for me, whether they realize it or not.”
Be thankful, Nicole to all of those people God has put in your life to help make you be whole again.
Funny, how mere minutes ago I was telling my husband that I needed some time to commune with God right now. This email was up on my desktop screen; it was the first thing I read after making that comment to P. All I can manage to say is, thank you, God. Thank you.
Note: a few words from the original email text were redacted in consideration of the privacy of others.